Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Whitewater's Weekly Burning Questions


This week, we're employing the help of one Nasty Naus, who has a few pertinent questions of his own to be answered.

"What broke more water last week: New Orleans levees or Britney Spears?



Where will you find more bastards: Philadelphia or Kevin Federline's house?

Who received more targeted strikes last weekend: Cincinatti Bengals cornerbacks or Palestinian militants?

Nasty Naus asks: What's looking more lively these days: the Houston Texans, Tom DeLay's political career, Peter Jennings's lungs, John Paul II or Vladimir Lenin?



Sunday, September 25, 2005

Hitler Hates Whores...

The great mass of people...will more easily fall victim to a big lie than to a small one.
-- Adolf Hitler


Image hosted by Photobucket.comJimmy Swaggart got that shit right. You hear me Jimmy. I know your shit, dawg. You my boy. We see that shit the same way. You can still abhore these beyotches and still wanna fuck'em. And Jesus ain't mad at cha'.

That's why he gave us Biggie and Tupac. I mean, why give two of the most ig'nant mothafuckas on this planet the talent to rap bullshit over another dude's music. Jesus put those dudes on this planet for a reason, gave them a voice, populated their following. And you wanna know why Christ did that shit? Because in the end, a beyotch is the first to love you, first to fuck you, and the first to leave you dry. And when you die, a beyotch is the only muthafucka that'll truly mourn your death. I hear you, Mary.

Nigga on the cross, bleeding and shit. He looks up to the sky and knows his ol' man ain't wit him no more. And he's looking around at his people, at his crew, and these beyotches either cowering in the corner like the filthy ass hoes they are, or they're joining in on the hate, spitting on a nigga, rocking a boulder to a brother's head.

And in that one moment, that's when he's looking around for somebody, anybody to be down with him. And he comes to the conclusion, the only beyotch looking to ride for him is that dirty ass ho' nobody showed any love to, except him. And that's when a brother knows, the only fucka that'll be there with him in the end is that ho' who ain't even higher than dirt, that ho' nobody gave a shit about, that ho' that nobody loves, except him.

And that's why I say Snoop got it wrong. He don't love no ho'. But I do. I got nothing but love for all you hoes, for all you filthy ass beyotches. And when I say beyotches, I mean all you beyotches. You know who you are.

Like Jimmy know, like Jesus know, in the end, all a man has is his ho' and his soul. And I ain't giving up either one for nobody.

Another One Bites The Dust

WinMX offline - RIAA wins? Ya Right!
WinMX PNP Network Mysteriously Ends Operations

Image hosted by Photobucket.comEarly last week, one of the oldies bit the dust. WinMx ceased to exist. No one knows exactly why the software and the network were taken offline, but there's speculation that the company that owned the rights to WinMx, FrontCode Technologies, was hit with one of those RIAA legal letters, telling the company to end all that copyright infringement.

Many know how I feel about that copyright infringement. I hate it. Beyotches need to relearn how to buy shit. But still, it hurt knowing this trusted old app was taken offline. I used to use WinMx back in the day, back when Napster was still alive. The software was Napster upgraded. All the shit we all wished Napster was, WinMx became, including implementing that space-aged multi-user download technology. Plus, it had built-in OpenNap server list refreshability. Trust me, back in the day, this shit was sweet.

But when Napster, the largest of the networks you could connect to through the software, was taken down, WinMx became an afterthought. Many just went along and used the OpenNap servers, at least until the largest of these networks went "legit" and became Morpheus, later known more popularly as KaZaa. And still, many flocked to Audiogalaxy, another cool service that was struck down. And from the ashes of Napster, grew that p2p explosion none of the big boys could stop. Now, finding shit to "steal" ain't all that hard. Even the most ig'nant Internet user can get in on the copyright infringement. It's disgusting. It ain't even "cool" anymore.

That's why I'm going back to "buying" shit again. Sure, I might have to sell some blood, or some semen, but shit, I give up that shit on the daily anyway: the semen through my daily jerk-off, and the blood, through the blood-suckers who like to leech off my fuckin soul. Bastards!

But I digress. This here post is to show love to another one that helped me through those hard times. If it wasn't for WinMx, I might have not been able to listen to all those Tears for Fears and Duran Duran albums in their entirety. What better way to spend eight hours on a 56k modem in front of a computer screen every night. Ah. The sweet time I wasted.

I'm gonna miss you buddy, if you're really dead.

Rest in peace, you dead muthafucka. Rest in peace.

Friday, September 23, 2005

DOC SAVAGE: how about this for a post.

lick my dick bitch fuck you.

Thursday, September 22, 2005

White Girls Throwin up the Westside, Volume 2

ALSO SEE: Volume 1.

Hello, I am Zodiac Digital, a man who does not know the meaning of the words "decency", "compassion", or "querulous."

Just so people know, the research and effort I put into this is the same that I put into every post, which is to say, none at all. Anyhoo. Here we go again.


The Etnies ruins the effect. If you discount MURS and possibly Kareem Campbell, there aren't any rappers who skateboard. And Kareem is really just a skateboarder who raps.



Seriously tho, doesnt she seem to be doing some really weird shit with the fingers there? Again, the face kind of ruins the effect. Anyone from California is 100% always mad in his/her pictures. It's just common knowledge. Except gays. They're always happy.




Again with the skateboarding (BAM - not unlike Emeril Lagasse's sauces or that one gay Atmosphere song. Wait, I think I just described all Atmosphere songs that ever existed.) I also like how akward her pinky finger looks. Actually, all of her fingers look awkward - like shes awkwardly attempting to grasp her own shoulder or something. Notice how much I say "awkward" on this post - cause thats the dominant effect that these pictures cause - awkwardness. Has aynone else realized how awkward the spelling of "awkward" is?



If there was ever a time the acronym "wtf?" was ever appropiate, it's here. I pray to God that this is some weird inside joke. Like when you go "hey - what time is it now?" and you and your four loser friends laugh frantically while everyone else looks at each other awkwardly. I hate you people.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Whitewater's Weekly Burning Questions


Who's the worst fit: Verne Troyer in a dunk contest, Gheorge Muresan in a limbo contest, Eminem behind the boards, or Mike Sherman being involved in anything other than a lobotomy (nullus)?

Who would be the best nose tackle for the Packers: Clitoris Cletidus Hunt, Grady Jackson, or Reggie White's coffin?

Speaking of which, does anyone else wonder if someone called Gilbert Brown when Reggie needed a "Grave Digger?"



Who has shown more signs of life over the past few years: Terry Schiavo or the Lions' offense?

What's typically more spastic: a T.O. touchdown celebration or Michael J Fox?

What comes out more often: a 2Pac album or a member of B2K?

Who would prove more useful in a raid:


Dutch Cavalry

or


New Orleans bums?


White Girls Throwin up the Westside

Firstly: I just noticed, I just got hit # 50,000 and some. Meaning 50,000 peoples have wasted their life on bullshit like the post that follows.

This is a special feature ive been thinking about doing, but havent actually got around to doing.

Anyhoo, this may or may not be the last time I do this, depending on how it turns out. Here we go.


The one on the left looks very determined. Despite the fact she hides behind her westside. Being "mysterious", I guess.



Isn't that shit "the shocker"?



There's just something remarkable about the girl in the green's teeth. They look like...fucking Jaws or something. I dont even know.



No comment.

Sunday, September 18, 2005

Wu-Tang Updates: Wu Latino, MF Doom and RZA

First off, I'm not really sure what to think of the "reggaeton/hip-hop" version of Wu-Tang made by a bunch of spainsh dukes. But here's the link anyways. Btw, it doesnt actually sound like the Wu at all, in my opinion. Whatever.
http://www.wu-tanglatino.com/

Secondly is some big news that I hadnt blogged about yet but whatever. There's this new Wu project that features a song wtih MF Doom and RZA, among other things.
http://www.flashenhanced.com/thinkdifferently/

Thursday, September 15, 2005

What a little girl

Image Hosted by ImageShack.us
You've probably seen this but what the hell.
Bush at the U.N.
Here's the link.
*out*

Monday, September 12, 2005

Whitewater's Weekly Burning Questions


Which football player has the least heart: Peerless Price, Maurice Clarett or Thomas Herrion?

Where will New Orleans suffer more losses: in the French Quarter or the NFL Standings?

Is Hurricane Katrina the only thing that could pack the Superdome?

Who's less likely to be on the other end of Joe Horn's call: Someone congratulating him on a victory or FEMA?



What's more torn up: Javon Walker's ACL or Scarlett Johannson's genitalia?

Who will score more points this year:

Da Darko

or



Da Bears

Friday, September 09, 2005

New Public Enemy New Orleans song

Chea, on http://www.shutemdown.com/ way at the top. It's called "Hell No We Ain't All Right"

Also, word is "Rebirth of a Nation" got shelved. It wasn't top-class anyways, but it was pretty good as far as its still a million times better than the Tony Homo shit.

Alas, GuerillaFunk.com (Paris's site) reports that "Rebirth of a Nation" is getting pushed back yet again to January 26 because of a "previously undisclosed commitment" and the revised version will feature "additional tracks and expanded outwork"

Thursday, September 08, 2005

Indian Chicks Hate Negroes

Image hosted by Photobucket.comI think Indian chicks are some of the hottest women around, at least the ones I see on television. I'm not talking about Native Americans. I'm talking about the real Indians, the ones from over in the Middle East and Asia. Its those Asian chicks that Im talking about, the ones that do those Bollywood movies, and appear in the occasional British television show or movie. I love Indian chicks almost as much as I dig Latinas. In fact, I dig them so much that they've surpassed light-skinned Latinas, Asian broads, and dark-skinned black chicks as my favorite chicks to lust after.

Here's how my list looks now:

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
1. Brown-skinned Latinas (No blondes, except Christina Milian, who really isn't blond, at least not naturally)
2. Light-skinned black chicks
3. Indians or Pakistanis (Preferably medium to dark-skinned broads who aren't fucked up in the grill)
4. Light-skinned Latinas (No blondes)
5. Asian chicks (Preferably Japanese, mixed, or Filipinos)
6. Black chicks mixed with another race besides white or Native American
7. Dark-skinned black chicks who aren't directly from Africa
8. Black chicks mixed with white who have more black features then white ones.
9. Black chicks mixed with Native American
10. White broads who aren't Irish or Russian
11. Sluts

Image hosted by Photobucket.comThe last one is an extra, and is pretty much self-explanatory. And to add to Indians: these chicks are either hot as fuck, or they look like that ugly ass wicked witch beyotch in the Wizard of Oz. So, when I mean Indian chicks, I mean the ones without the hook noses, the moles and the bullshit all over their faces. I'm sure the average Indian chick is ugly as fuck, but I'm willing to wade through the filth to get to the good stuff. Now, if that means I have to go over to India and sweet talk a Bollywood beyotch, then that's just what a man's gotta do.

The major problem with this list is that I probably couldn't get an Indian chick if my life depended on it. I hear that Indians hate black people, even though half of them are blacker than us. I think it's frowned upon for an Indian chick to get it on with a black dude. From what I've seen on PBS and other British shows and movies, Indians like to keep their shit in the family. They hate their chicks dating outside of the race. They'll put up with white dudes, if they're rich. But they really hate black people. I wonder how they feel about Hispanics. I've never seen a Indian show where an Indian chick is in love with a Mexican or a Cuban. I wonder what would happen then. Maybe I need to pitch that shit to the BBC. Make me some British money. Get me some of that Page 3, big hootie, British pootang.

I wonder what it's like to bang a British chick. I bet that shit's funny, her having an orgasm in British-speak, calling out, Ol' chap, bang my knickers, Old Chap! I need to get a hold of some British porn. I wonder if the British even make porn. I think the men are all gay over there, at least, that's what I've been told. They probably don't even watch porn, or even have the internet. I think they just read travel brochures and drink tea. Who knows. Fuck'em.

Let Me Tell Ya About My Best Friend

Image hosted by Photobucket.comCongratulations, Christina Milian. You are now my personal mascot, sort of like the Cleveland Indian, or that fuckin' crazy Irish fighting Leprechaun mothafucka, you know the one all ready to fuck up a brother. You might be asking yourself, if you ever visit this bullshit here, what does being Savage's personal mascot entail? Well, nothing really. I'll just pimp your image out on everything I do, and not pay you shit for it, unless you decide to sue me.

I believe this union between you and me will be mutually beneficial. See, since I'll be continuously stalk... I mean, watching after you, I'll be more apt to publicize your business and entertainment moves to an audience of nobodies ready to put down money on jack shit. You'll gain a whole new fanbase. Of course, that audience will mostly be made up of Nambla members, crackhead teenagers, and savage rapists and looters (I'm gonna miss New Orleans). But I say, some audience is better than no audience. Don't you agree?

Who knows, maybe if I live long enough, and happen to become famous, your image will reach heights associated with greatness. And when I say greatness, I mean bullshit. Hopefully I'll get a sitcom, or become mayor, or do some other bullshit like that, and you'll finally be able to buy yourself some new clothes, maybe feed yourself regularly. Who knows, being associated with me, you'll finally feel the need to stop whoring yourself to Nick Cannon. That's right, girl. I know the humilation you're going through. I know that bastard has shit on you. Maybe a sex tape? Please? It's okay to cry.

I know you don't like Nick Cannon. Nobody likes Nick Cannon. If Nick Cannon's mama had known she'd be pushin' Nick Cannon's ass out of her tore up cootchie, I'm pretty sure she would have went ahead with that abortion. In fact, I think Nick Cannon knows it as well. I can see how he hides his pain with dumb ass fuckin' skits and bullshit rap songs. It's his way of coping with the pain of being born an asshole, sort of like that devil baby that came out of Rosemary. I forget that shit. Did Rosemary have that baby, or was that shit just threatening to murder her ass through her womb? Mama, I'll kill yo' ass, Stewie-style. And just think, some fuckin conservative Republicans wanna ban abortion.

Image hosted by Photobucket.comIt's shit like having a baby threatening to kill you from outta your own fuckin' belly, and knowing you have Nick Cannon about to come outta your shit that tells me that we should keep abortion legal. What if you had Nick Cannon in your stomach (Christina, say it ain't so), wouldn't you wanna throw that evil fetus muthafucka down a garbage shoot, or flush his embryonic ass down a toilet. I know I would. I bet Nick Cannon's mother feels filthy knowing what came outta her cootchie. Giving birth to Nick Cannon must be how it feels to be violently raped (I think I did this joke before. Fuckin' hack).

Nick Cannon's mama, if you're reading this, I feel your fuckin pain. And if I can help in anyway, you know with providing therapy, or cleansing your vaginal area and whatnot, don't hesitate to write a brother. I know you haven't felt like the world has loved you all of these years, but I'm telling you girl, I love you. Shit, girl, I'll love your ass all night long if you let me. At least if you look like Ludacris's mother. I saw her ass on television once. And I have to admit, I'd bang her, you know, Ludacris's mother. I'm sure she's in her early forties. Although, seeing that Ludacris could have come from the hood -- you never know with these rap stars -- she could be no older than in her thirties. But i doubt it. If she was that young, she'd have had to given birth to Luda back when she was ten. Although, knowing the hood, I wouldn't put it past a beyotch to get knocked up that early, especially with assholes like me walking around on this great Earth. Thank you, Jesus.

And in the name of the almighty, I'm looking forward to saving another lost soul. Hopefully Christina and me will meet someday pretty soon. Maybe I'll take her out to lunch, get her a McChicken, let her go crazy on that dollar menu. Make a beyotch feel special. Take her to see a three-month old movie for three dollars. Possibly, hook her up with some new shoes from Payless. You know how I do. End the night with me slipping a Cubic Zirconia on her finger. Damn it, I can see her now, smiling wider than she's smiled in ages. I do what I can for my beyotches.

I think I'll call her tonight, maybe send her a couple of mails. Hopefully, she'll get back to me soon. We'll be best friends. Won't we, Christina. Hee-Hee-Hee.

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Further proof that "Hip-Hop literature" is an oxymoron

Fiddy Cent has taken himself way too seriously for like 8 years now, or thats how it feels because I swear theres 68 songs, 4 graphic novels, and a Burger King action figure retelling how many times he got shot.

Adding to this, it has been brought to my attention that his new "book", From Crack to More to Crack: I Sold Crack in Queens, is the must-read hip-hop "book" of the year. I foolishly thought it was Rakim Told Me or something. But alas, I came to realize that who gives a fuck about actual good music? FCtMC:ISCiQ is the fairy tale of the year - if I was literate I would soooo read it.

Monday, September 05, 2005

Jorge Ben is a pretty cool duke (No homo)

"The rate of violent crime is exceptionally high. There has also been a relatively high rate of violent attacks on tourists, especially in remote places and in the capital, Guatemala City, especially after dark. Visitors need to be particularly vigilant in the central Zone 1 of Guatemala City where most of the cheap hotels and bus terminals are, and in all parts of the city at night."

I just found this while searching for a download of HOT LESBIANS DRINKING COFFEE! educational calculator programs, and I just noticed that that's where I lived - Zone 1. That is where I was most of the summer, cause my cousins live now - they actually live in the same house I lived in - they have the same neighbors we used to have.

It's kinda cool when the travel guides say your neighborhood is especially gully.

Thursday, September 01, 2005

Whitewater's Weekly Burning Questions

Another week, another round of tough questions that require tough answers. Without further ado...

What's more toast: Bob Huggins's Cincinnati tenure or a Peruvian plane?

Who's the most washed up: Natalee Holloway, a New Orleans bum, or Maurice Clarett?



Which bitch would you least want to catch the eye of?



Worst show ever: Chaotic or Britney in Vegas?



What's more resistant: the metal on top of the Superdome or the metal in the chest of the white trash pictured above?

What will prove to be the biggest source of anarchy in 2005?