Sunday, April 30, 2006

ODB AKA Dirt McGirt - A Son Unique Review

I didnt know this shit was even coming out, so at first I thought it was just some creative internet pirate's compilation of random ODB songs (a theory supported by that 2 of the 13 songs feature someone else, but I guess that happens in post-humous albums a lot), but judging from the cover art and shit, it seems official.

01 LIFT YA SKIRT feat. Missy Elliot
I seem to recall this shit from a mixtape a while back, but maybe not. I dig the piano (very M-E-T-H-O-D Man). I probably could do without the non-ODB vocals (Missy and a chorus of what seems to be little girls, but I guess that would be innapropiate considering the subject matter), but whatever. Missy mentions "shame on a n*gga".

02 POP SHOTS feat. Lil' Fame of M.O.P.
That Premo-produced song from a year ago or whatever, now featuring Lil' Fame. It's still pretty cool. Fame mentions "shame on a n*gga". 2 of 2.

03 OPERATOR feat. The Clipse & Pharrell
Very N.E.R.D. Or maybe not. I didn't actually listen to them, but this is what I imagine they would sound like. It would've been alot cooler if it wasn't so Neptunes-ish and more ODB-ish.

04 BACK IN THE AIR feat. Ghostface Killah
Thankfully more Wu-Tang-ish and less Neptunes-ish. The beat is not even that Wu-Tang, but it's pretty good.

05 WORK FOR ME feat. Young Chris of Young Gunz
Pretty cool drums and claps and ODB is awesome, like always, but really Young Chris? And they should re-think the synths as well. Come on people, this is an ODB album!

When I first saw the song title, I was like "oh shit is this referencing that one Elton John song with that one bitch?" and the answer is YES. Either severely retarded or funny or both. Can't decide.

07 STOMP feat. RZA
Pretty disappointing, actually. What the hell is it with that clicking sound? RZA got too "creative" here.

Miraculously not featuring anybody else, but again with the stupid synths and the chorus of chicks. I guess ODB kind of makes it work, though.

09 INTOXICATED feat. Raekwon, Method Man & Macy Gray
Pretty meh beat and hook. What the hell? THIS IS AN ODB ALBUM DAMMIT.

10 DIRTY & GRIMEY feat. N.O.R.E.
I should mention that ODB kills 90% of this shit, even when he's working with a pretty meh beat, hook, and guest. Case in point.

11 DANGER ZONE feat. Joe Budden
See above. It's got its Indian tinges, but whatever.

12 SKRILLA feat. RZA
Better than the other RZA song, but still you'd expect better.

The album closer, the other song with no guest appearences. They should've put more thought into the beat, it seems like they were onto something but then just gave up.

Call me whatever, but as much as I like ODB (no homo), most of these songs don't have good beats or guests. ODB makes it an entertaining record, to be sure, but you'd wish they'd put more thought into the whole thing. This is ODB's final album (hopefully, lest they come out with some duets-style shit), its really not the time to put a few random Roc-a-fella (or whatever it is now) weedcarriers on the songs.


Saturday, April 22, 2006

Where have I been?

Shit. Seriously. Its been like 4 months now. what the fuck. But im so fucking pissed off at the state of hip-hop, and music in general. There has just been some really depressing shit, and I'm not even talking about the death of Proof from D-12 (im sorry but who ever truly gave a fuck about him anyways?) and not even the ethering of J-Dilla by way of lupus. What I'm talking about is this: I like hip-hop. But there's no good albums anymore. There's no good artists either. There may or may not have been a decent song here or there, but mostly it all sucks. Hip-hop in 2006 is essentially a good concept that no one really has excuted. Yeah, I know, I'm a backpacker and yadda yadda yadda, but honestly, shame on you if you think the ray-gay-ton shit and the Laffy Taffy shit is any good.

I wear my Public Enemy shirt every now and then, ignoring the fact that their last album was 90% trash (the last song was absolute genius though, its also probably one of the longer hip-hop songs ever, a miracle in the "all samples cleared" era). I also wear my Run-DMC shirt even though "Distortion" took 8 years or whatever but it's only like 10 minutes long. Oh, and I heard DMC's new abortion of a song, which I think was a pro-life rap jam (I may be wrong though, I wasnt paying attention). I mean, I'm sorry you were almost ethered by way of abortion, man, but that doesn't mean it should be illegal. It's also no excuse to put this random beeyotch in the chours, even if she saved your life from whatever. And honestly, if your voice has been destroyed (dare I say ethered) by some disease, give it up man. No one wants to hear unadvanced rhymes coming from a guy who sounds embarassed by them.

What else. This Mobb Deep shit. What the hell. Remember when they used to be hardcore? Remember "Shook Ones, pt. II" or "Hell on Earth"? Are they so broke they need to suck 50 Cent off (no homo) and make this gay shit? Prodigy, man. What happened? I mean, I know random 6 year old girls could beat Prodigy up, but "Keep it Thoro" was some hardcore shit. What happened to "heavy airplay all day wit no chorus"?

How long can we go on with Wu-Tang being the only semi-bright spot? There's Ghostface's "Fishscale", which is some cool shit for the most part, but it can't carry this year. Then there's Raekwon's shit. I mean, it's cool that they haven't fallen off that bad, but at the same time you wish they'd still make classic shit where you could go, "yeah 06 sucked but did you hear the 3 Wu-Tang releases?"

Killah Priest, where is you. Back 11 years ago or so I claimed you were pretty much the best of them currently. But you've disappeared. I mean you were on the Masta Killa shit like 2 years ago but thats about it.

Does anyone besides the Abercrombie and Fitch crowd really buy into this Kanye West hype? Young okayplayer types know that when it comes to egotistic "alternative" rappers, there's the much better Talib Kweli, who can, you know, actually rap. I have a poster of Talib too (no homo) but he has to put a stop to this whole gangsta posturing, 1) cause I just don't buy it and 2) cause it's not actually helping him make good music. Honestly, I don't care whether he's a nerd or a thug or whatever, I'd just like for him to stop making random songs with random southern rappers about whatever the fuck. Then the southern rap stans (even more annoying than the backpacker pseudo-intellectuals who listen to shit like Buck 65) don't really like Kanye cause he's a fag and cause he's too "smart" for them (southern rap stans are really stupid, these people think Bun B is some kind of intellectual). The only people who claim Kanye to be some sort of savior are people who have NO idea what they're talking about, usually dumbass old rock critics but also random rich kids.

So here's the deal, hip-hop. Either you produce an album I enjoy all the way through this year, or I just give up. I dont want another "Nation of Millions" or "Illmatic" or what have you, just something where I wont have to delete half of it from my hard drive cause its just garbage (Ghostface, I'm looking at you, no homo)

As for music, same deal. Ozomatli is probably the only band I have any faith left in, and if their new album coming in September is no good, that's it. I quit new music.

(NEW music, that is. I'm still entitled to listen to the 8 million Frank Zappa albums no one has heard of or whatever old shit I please.)

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Fistful of Quarters

I'm so broke, it's ridiculous.  I got like 30 bucks in the bank,and I gotta make that stretch until next Friday, when I get paid again.  I don't know how I'm gonna do it.  I mean, there's gas, and a bus card so I can go back and forth to work.

Although I may not need that bus card if I get fired this week. But I still need gas money.  And my co-workers are hitting me up for some dough to chip in on some crappy office party. 

Now, how the hell am I gonna be able to do that.  I don't even have dough to feed myself, and they expect a brother to put some dough on office-crap-party.  It's sickening.  It makes me wanna vomit.  In fact, I might just vomit.  Although, I might not because, again, I could be fired by the end of this week, which means I won't have to chip in for the office party. 

I don't know if I should laugh or cry.  I'll probably cry because if I don't get fired, I'll have to go back to my crappy job next week where I don't do jack but surf the Internet and write blog posts. And I'll be hungry.  And I'll have to chip in for that damn office party.

But if I do get fired, then I'll still be surfing the Internet and making blog posts, but I won't be getting paid for it.  And I'll still be hungry.  Plus, I won't be able to pay next month's rent,since I tend to live paycheck to paycheck.  But at least I won't have to chip in for that crappy office party.

Oh, what the dilemma.  Or the De Palma.  What's the name of that film with Melanie Griffith, and she's naked in parts of it. And she plays a prostitute.  Yeah, I know it sounds like all her films.  Or is that Sharon Stone.  I think that might be Sharon Stone.  By the way, remind me to get a bootleg copy of Basic Instinct 2 off the Internet.  I need to "let off" some stress over the weekend.  And I think that movie might be the perfect tool for the, uh, job.

My Days Are Numbered


Cry Me A River

I think I'm going to loose another job by the end of the week.  Ican feel it coming.  My boss hasn't even looked me in the eye forthe past two weeks.  I think she's about given up on mecompletely.  And who can blame her, becasue I do absolutelynothing all day.  I get paid to do nothing.  I do so muchnothing that I even make me sick.  Which is why I see that the endis near.  No more getting paid to visit crappy web sites.  Nomore getting paid to hit up sites like eBay.  No more dough to siton my funky butt all day.  But at least that means more bloggingfor me.  I wanna cry.

Sigh Awesomely

I wonder if Jesus ever felt like I do this very day. Who knows, he probably did, hanging from the cross with those nails in his feet and hands, looking up to the heavens knowing that he had just paid the price for all mankind. We always see him suffering, but maybe he was hanging there with a big smile on hisface. I mean Jesus was, or is, you know, God in the flesh. And why would God cry, except for the fact that his children had just nailed Him to the cross. I probably would cry over that to, or get really mad. I mean, if my kids were to ever nail me to a cross, I'd have to kick their asses. How the hell are you gonna nail me to a cross. I'm your father. I brought you into this world, and I'll take you out. Damn kids. That's why I don't have any. You can't trust'em.

Anyway, where was I? Oh, yeah. My greatest moment, my greatest blah - blah - blah is forthcoming. I've been holding something back, and I'm finally about to unleash it upon the world. Trust me, what you are about to witness is greatness.

Let me explain. I got this piece ofwork that's sort of been sitting around my home. And I think I'm ready to show it to the entire world. "What is it?" you may be asking yourself. Well, I can tell you what it isn't. It isn't Ernest Hemingway. In fact, it isn't even James Patterson. Instead, this is something greater. To tell you the truth, this is something more special, something more stupendous, something more amazing, simply something completely awe-inspiring. And after I unleash it on you, you will not be able to wipe my glorious stickiness off of your being.

What, you may ask, am I possibly speaking of? Should I end a sentence with "of?" Isn't that like ending a sentence with a preposition? And that's frowned upon. Whatever. What I speak of, my friends, is my most precious work, the greatest thing that I have and will ever create. What I speak of is simply fiction, the greatest piece of fiction ever written by man, or possibly ape?

It might be the greatest piece of fiction ever written by mammal, or, uh, primate. No other works derived from the mind of a primate will ever reach the heights I plan to soar to when I present to the world my greatest accomplishment. The world will marvel. Or they will wish they had marveled. Or perhaps they will simply sigh exuberantly. No matter how they express their awe, it will surely show about their visage. Did I use that right? It doesn't even look like I spelled it right. No matter. Many of the great minds, such as I, could not spell worth a lick, and yet, they are considered some of the greatest minds inhistory. And therefore, one day, possibly the day after the "event," I will be seen in their league. I will be thought of as one of the great minds ever.

And the world will marvel at my feet. Or at least sigh awesomely. Whichever.