Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Adworthless

I've been messing with Google Adwords for the last two weeks. They gave me 25 dollars worth of free cash. So, I decided to put up some ads.

I put up one for myself. Those ads ate up 13 dollars. Apparently, the keywords I picked worked wonders. Who knew free sex and nude pictures were searched for like that on the Internet.

I was able to generate around 85 clicks to my site. I don't know if 85 clicks are worth 13 free bucks. Still, I'm thinking about setting up some more ads.

I also have an ad running for Kool Keith's book, Ultrablognetic - Two Years. Unfortunately, that ad has only generated three hits. Sorry, mate, I know you could use the money to feed that newborn. Wouldn't want to find out you've been forced to feed your kid beef jerky and pottied meat.

Just recently, I set up an ad for this site. But I haven't been able to catch the ad on Google except when I search for blogspot. It may appear elsewhere. Who knows.

I wish I had a real product to sell, than I might actually find a real use for this adwords crap. But for now, or until I spend the rest of this 20 dollars I have left over in the account, I'll continue putting up crappy ads to crappy web sites.

Sunday, June 18, 2006

Jesus disses Prodigy back

In one of the more ridiculous moments in recent history, Prodigy of Mobb Deep "dissed" Jesus.

"Now homie if I go to hell and you make it to the pearly gates
Tell the boss man we got beef
And tell his only son Im’a see him when I see him
And when I see him, Im’a beat him like the movie
For leaving us out to dry in straight poverty
"

The guy threatens to beat up Jesus. Now personally, I find that stuff hilarious. But the fine folks at XXLMag are outraged.

Appearently, in gangsta rap, we're not allowed to offend anybody.

Excuse me?

Prodigy, last time I counted, has shot at least 8 million people. It's not like he was on the "boss man's" good side. How can you be mad that he says he'll beat up Jesus?

I can't believe we have a PC police in gangsta rap! What's next, you cant make fun of the president? What is this, country music?

If anything, this proves we're still behind the curve compared to heavy metal. Check out the lyrics to the new Slayer single if you don't believe me.

As per the new Slayer single:
First off, they're ripping off everybody - they're selling an EP with one song and 3 videos for 6 dolalrs. Not only that, but the'yre selling it exclusively at Hot Topic.

And then if you do spend the 6 dollars at Hot Topic you can feel like even more of an idiot since you can listen to the song in its entirety in the front page of their site.

And you know, speaking of the lyrics, now that they're all balding and stuff, you'd expect for them to get more mature lyrics than RELIGION'S A WHORE yadda yadda SIX SIX SIX.

However, it's got a real nice intro, alright verses, alright solos, pretty good vocals, but the real saving point is Dave Lombardo returning on drums. What an awesome drmmer.

Monday, June 12, 2006

Ben

pecos.jpgFor the past few weeks there's been this rodent scurrying around my apartment. At first I didn't do anything, hoping the bastard would leave on its own. Then I bought these giant-sized glue traps. Only problem is that the rodent was doing some old Tom & Jerry type crap on a brother, jumping over the glue traps and everything. I felt I was destined to live with this bastard until I moved.

Then, over the weekend, the rodent went crazy, climbing on my tables and on the ladder, and running across my bathtub. He scared me enough that I couldn't even go to sleep. I actually spent the rest of the night on the floor in the hallway of my building like a hobo. When I awoke Sunday morning, I knew what I had to do. I had to go ol' skool on a rodent.

The next morning I bought these spring traps, the ones my grandmother used to use back in the day. And then I waited. I woke up the next morning looking around, searching for Uncle Ben, and I saw no signs of him. So, I got dressed and ate. I decided to do one last check of the apartment before I left. And wouldn't you know, I found a little surprise. Ben was dead, his neck snapped in two by the mouse trap.

Then, I did a little prayer to Baby Jesus. I felt bad because I had just killed one of God's lil creatures. It made me wanna cry. So, I went to Baby Jesus and asked his forgiveness. And then, I threw his filthy rat bastard ass in the garbage and celebrated in my head.

But make no mistake, I felt for Ben. He wasn't my friend, but I didn't think things should've ended like they did. We couldn't live together anymore, but we could have still stayed friends. Sure, I hated him, but, uh,... forget it, I hated him. That's it. Filthy bastard!

Thursday, June 08, 2006

HD Dilemma!

I'm tired like crap and I wanna take a nap. I've been up most of the night, cleaning up, trying to get ready to move. I'm moving into this nice two bedroom place close to the waters. I got my own parking space and everything. The only problem I see with the place is that it's too small. Plus, the frontroom sort of meshes with the living room, which meshes with the kitchen, with only a counter to separate it all. It sort of looks like Jerry Seinfeld's place on the television show, except my front door would be where the studio audience is at, as if the camera was the entrance into my place.

So, I'll probably be moving sometime next month. I wanted to move this month, but the place wasn't ready yet. Now, I've been told that the place is pretty much finished except for some wiring that needs to be done. They told me earlier this week that I could move in at the end of the month. But I know that I'll need a little bit more time, so, I'll probably end up moving next month, first moving the boxes a little at a time, and then leaving the big stuff for last.

The truth is that I don't have all that much stuff that I have to move. I'm throwing most of my old stuff away. I need to get a new living room set, a couple of new computer desks, and a new bed. I might end up having to sleep on the floor the next few months because I don't have enough money for a bed right now. I did some dumb crap and went to Circuit City a few weeks ago and bought one of those cheap Polaroid HDTVs with the built in tuner.

The sad crap about it is that I thought I would be able to watch some good ole' HDTV off the bat through my cable system, but none of the digital channels would show up. I tried splitting the signal between the regular cable plug and the HDTV plug, but that didn't do anything either. I finally hooked up the television through my cable box, but I was only able to get some PBS station. They were showing some doo-wop show for the fifteenth million time, and on the second digital signal, they were showing some cooking show, so I considered it a bust.

Then I searched the Internet to find out what I had to do to get some more digital channels. I found out that the only way to get the digital signals was through over-the-air broadcasting. Apparently the signal doesn't naturally come through the cable signal. I would have to upgrade my account and get one of those Comcast HDTV boxes, which makes no sense to me because all these digital HDTV channels pop up all the time through the regular digital box, except there's only sound and no picture. I wonder why they have those channels pop up when they can't be viewed normally, even through a HDTV.

Anyway, I did some more searching and I found out that I had to get some HDTV antenna. So I went searching on Google on how to get a HDTV antenna, and several sites popped up. The majority of these sites said the same thing, there is no such thing as a HDTV antenna. In fact, I learned that all I needed was a regular old antenna, one of those antennas I used to use back in the days. Apparently, most of the HDTV channels are broadcast over UHF signals, the same way most of those independant stations are broadcast.

So, I went looking for an old antenna, and I finally found one, only the plug part and been cut off. I probably did it a couple of years ago when I was experimenting. That means that over the weekend, I'm going to have to go get an antenna from somewhere. Then, I'll be able to watch all the great programming that comes on over the summer like Big Brother and, uh, Last Comic Standing. You ain't seen television unil you've watched a crappy reality show in widescreen.

Monday, June 05, 2006

X-Crap: The Last Dump

I saw X-Men: The Last Stand, and let me start by saying that this isn't the worst movie I have ever seen. I guess that isn't a glowing endorsement, but it's the best I can do.

The movie starts off, ummm, it starts off, ummmmm, I forgot how it started off. Oh yeah. It starts off with Magneto and Professor X going to meet a young Jean Grey. Little Jean Grey is somewhat arrogant, and flaunts her powers by lifting up every car in the neighborhood.

Afterwards, stuff happens elsewhere, stuff I can't remember. I think we see Hank McCoy in some government meeting, and the X-people are practicing in the Danger Room in some apocolyptic simulation. Oh yeah, I forgot the part about a young Warren Worthington III cutting off the feathers of his wings, and then his father walks in and finds out that he's a mutant. This is a pretty important scene because it sets up the motivation of Warren's father for creating this cure.

Cure, you say? Yeah, there's this kid who has the ability to kill the mutant gene, at least temporarily. Warren's father uses the kid to create some vaccine for the government. And of course, this pisses of Magneto, who gets together another group of evil mutants -- Juggernaut, Callisto, Pyro, and somebody else who I can't remember -- to get the kid from the labs where the government is hiding him. I think it's Alcatraz.

Now, getting back to the X-Men. Cyclops, who is still crying and all, goes riding on his bike back up to the lake where Jean Grey was killed. He shoots out an optic beam, and all of a sudden a whirlpool appears. And guess who pops out of the whirlpool? You guessed it, Jean Grey. Jean Grey goes to Scott and tells him to take off his glasses, and then we see Scott's eyes.

At this time, this dude I was with started talking about Dallas and Miami. I'm thinking, what the hell's going on? I don't wanna talk basketball in the middle of the movie, although this wasn't really the middle of the movie. Still, it distracted me for a couple of minutes. By the time I get back into the movie, they're back at the mansion, and Hank McCoy has gone to see Professor X. He tells the Professor about the cure. And then Professor X stops him and tells Storm and Wolverine, who were there also, to go get Jean Grey. I guess he felt that she was alive or something.

So, Wolverine and Storm go get Jean Grey from out the woods, but there's no Cyclops. They take her back to the mansion and Professor X puts her on strap down. Wolverine wonders why the Professor is doing this crap. And the Professor reveals that back in the day, when Jean Grey was a kid, he put mental roadblocks in her brain so she wouldn't be able to use all her powers. He didn't think that she would be able to control them. But the roadblocks caused a problem, it split her personality in two. The less powerful Jean Grey was normal and well adjusted, but the more powerful Jean Grey, who called herself Phoenix, was extremely powerful but overly overcome by her emotions, displaying great happiness and anger, sort of like some bi-polar schizophrenic.

The two stories collide when Wolverine causes Jean Grey to awake. She makes out with Wolvie, then leaves him knocked out on the floor. The Professor and the rest of the X-Men find him, and soon rush to her childhood home after the Professor gets another brain fart. At the same time, Callisto, who can read mutants and their powers, gets a brain fart also, and tells Magneto. Magneto knows who it is she's reading and rushes to get her for himself.

The two groups collide in Jean Grey's old house, but then she goes off and starts throwing everything all around, including people. This leads to her killing Professor X, I think. Because one minute he's there, and the next, his chair is empty. So, I don't know. But I assume he''s dead, like Cyclops, because now everybody is saying he' s dead. Magneto then convinces her to go off with him, and they all leave together.

Back at the mansion, Storm, Beast and Wolverine talk about closing the school, but they decide no when Angel, aka a teen-aged Warren, appears at their doorsteps asking for a place to stay. They all decide to keep the school open, and I think Beast goes back to the president to tell him that he's riding with the X-Men exclusively for the time being.

There's also this crappy sub-plot concerning Iceman, Kitty Pryde and Rogue. Rogue can't touch anyone or she sucks their minds dry. She likes Iceman. Iceman supposedly likes her back, but he also seems to be getting all close to Kitty Pryde as well. So, Rogue decides to go visit the kid to get her powers wiped out.

Anyway, stuff happens, which leads to Magneto and the Evil Mutants going to the facilities to get the kid. The government gets together an army with some of that serum for weapons. And all hell breaks loose. And then the X-men show up and they fight the Evil Mutants. Of course, the Evil Mutants lose, and Magneto is stabbed with the serum by the Beast, which turns Magneto into a normal human being.

Afterwards, Jean Grey goes crazy after the army dudes start attacking her. Wolverine tells Storm to get everybody out. Then, Wolverine confronts her. He eventually gets close enough to her so he can stab her with his claws. She dies again, and all is right with the world.

Personally, you'd think with all that action that I wouldn't have gotten bored by this crap. But as the ending was approaching, I found myself taking a couple of little naps in my sleep. It just felt like this movie dragged on too long, even though I think it only went like an hour and a half or more.

Another problem was that there were way too many characters. Many of the former characters were killed or taken out early in the movie. Mystique loses her powers early in the film when Magneto busts Juggernaut and Callisto out of prison. She's shot with a dart. Of course, the Professor and Cyclops also die early in the film. And Rogue disappears midway through.

In the end, this is really a Wolverine movie, with flashes of Iceman, Pyro and Magneto. Also, Beast gets a lot of screen time. So, I don't know. I just felt like there was way too much crap going on that I could really give a damn about. Even the Jean Grey story took seconds to all that mutant vaccine crap. I personally wish that they had just left Magneto out of it. And maybe fired Halle Barry, because I still think she sucks as an actress even with the Academy Award.

In the end, I can't recommend this crap. For the average kiddie movie goer, they'll probably love it. It's action packed with a lot of violence and Hugh Jackman grunting loud with the claws out. And I guess that's what the kids want to see. So, whatever.

P.S. I also saw Syriana for the second time, and I still don't know what the hell is going on. I know the Arab wants to sell to the Chinese. The US don't like that, so they put out a hit on him. This Bob dude is supposed to connect with this other Arab dude, but he's doublecrossed, because Arab two is working for Arab one. Bob is hung out to dry by the government. So, they go to plan B and kill the Arab by satellite. I get all that. But I didn't get any of that lawyer crap. Who does the black dude work for? I get that he's investigating someone, but who, I can never tell. And who does Damon work for? And what are the two Arabs back in Arabland doing? I don't know. What's on first?

Thursday, June 01, 2006

The Kunta Cocaine Code

I can’t talk too long. I think somebody’s tryin’ to assassinate a negro.

I been hearing the sounds of big white feet following me the last couple of days. At first I thought it was this white chick I had been messing around with the past couple of months. I recently let her down easy, and by easy, I mean I stopped returning her phone calls. If i saw her number, I didn't pick up. I didn't call her to tell her it was over. I just stopped communicating with her altogether. And you know white chicks, they get a little black mixed with 2 percent Puerto Rican, and its like crack for the vagina. They can't handle it, so they overdose, overdose on my sweet negro lovin'

So, I thought it was her that was stalking me. I heard she had just gotten out of the mental institution. I thought I'd be the first person she'd go looking for. You can't get off the crack that easily. It takes hard work and dedication. It takes willpower and time. And even with those things, you can still fall off again. And i know she was on it hard, too. It took her some time to get off of me, but eventually she did, and I'm proud of her, at least until my ego needs her to yearn for me some more. Then I'll call her up again and make her wish she had some more of this Kunta Cocaine lovin'. Damn, that's my new rap name. It ain't Gristlez. It's Kunta Cocaine.

But back to my story. I knew it wasn't her because one day while chilling in the park, or what some of you may call taking a nap on a bench, I caught a glimpse of the big white devil that was peeping me out. And when I state "big," I mean "big." This was one of the biggest, one of the whitest, one of honkiest white devils that I have ever seen. He was so big and white that I think people just named him Big Whitey, or Russian, maybe Glacier, or Mt St. Helen. And you know when they're big and white like that, you definitely can't trust'em. Big white ones leave large holes in brothers' rectums

So, I knew I had to keep my eyes closed and make him think that the negro was sleep or dead. I stayed like that until I knew Grey's Anatomy was on because I heard that white people really like that show, that and Friends. White people love Friends. They like Friends more than they like Seinfeld. They liked Friends so much that they still talk about that show even today.

Now, I liked Seinfeld because it was funny, but I only tolerated Friends like most black people. If it was on, I'd watch it, and it would be funny, but I wouldn't be looking for it the next week. And back then when it first came on, it was going up against Martin Lawrence. Now, Martin Lawrence, that was some funny stuff. That's what the negros watched, that and that crappy Living Single show. That was black folk Must See TV.

Now, where was I. Friends, whitey, stalk, assassination. I'm on the run and the white devil's trying to take me down. I figure one of these days, I'll wake up and find myself assassinated, with a big hole in my body. I'll be bleeding and crying out to Baby Jesus, and Baby Jesus will turn towards me and speak, asking, "What Happened Last Night On Grey's Anatomy?" And then I'll die right after I urinate on myself.