The 2004 No Doubt's

Yeah man, this is my award show. The coveted "No Doubt"'s. I am going to just do it for hip-hop. Why? Because I the radio doesn't play any good music. If I want to discuss funk or rock or whatever, I would talk about the old stuff. The radio's "new stuff" sucks 9 times out of 10. I saw a couple of new releases that were cool, but they were never on the radio. My problem is that I don't have anyone to guide me and tell me which releases are good for me to have a listen to them. The reason I can do hip-hop is because of the fact the non-radio shit gets to me, and I hope that I had time to explore another music genre's underground but, fact is, I don't. So let's get into the Gulliest Award Show Ever.

Guiltiest Pleasure Award
Goes to the song you shouldn't like, but do.

Nominees:
Juvenile f/ Skip & Wacko - "Nolia Clap"
Mash Out Posse - "Robbin' Hoodz (Ante Up Rock Remix)"
Talib Kweli - "Broken Glass"
Pete Rock f/ Kardinal Offishall - "We Good"
Talib Kweli f/ Res - "We Got The Beat"
Sound Providers f/ Maspyke - "The Throwback"
Snoop Dogg f/ Pharell - "Drop It Like It's Hot"

Winner:
Talib Kweli - "Broken Glass": A Neptunes-produced song that was annyoing to many, I just love it. Kweli's lyrics are ignored because people can't beleive he made a club-sounding song. I actually like the high-pitched screaming on the hook. C'mon, how can you not like a song with such a strong story?

"Retire Already" Award
Someone who is famous, been around for a while, and was good, yet he is now garbage and won't retire.
Nominees:
Snoop Dogg
LL Cool J
Eminem

Winner:
Snoop Dogg. He fell off. End of story. Snoop has nothing to prove, and yes, he had a couple of good songs, but it's not enough. LL would take it if he wasn't so overexposed, and Eminem would definitely get it if it weren't for the fact he might still be good. Whatever. His last 2 albums sucked.

Worst MC of the Year
SoThis goes out to the year's absolute worst emcee of the year.
Nominees:
Nelly
Chingy
Cam'Ron
Master P
Young Buck
Trillville
J-Kwon

Winner:
Master P. He is just so bad, I just almost like I shouldn't let him win. I actually would've given it to Trillville if it wasn't for the fact that I supressed the memory of ever listening to their album.

Most Over-Hyped Album of The Year
They assured us this album was going to blow our heads off. It sucked.
Nominees:
D12 - "D12 World"
Eminem - "Encore"

Winner:
Eminem - "Encore". This album was supposed to put Eminem back to being good. It was just so terrible, it hurt. "D12 World" might've been worse but it wasn't hyped up NEARLY as much.

Rookie of the Year
The best group/solo artist who just put out their first CD.
Nominees:
Black Joe Johnson
Ill Bill
Madvillian
Alchemist
Masta Killa

Winner:
Madvillian. This one's a hard one. Rock/punk/funk/metal/rap/whatever band BJJ basically debuted with "The New Danger", which is officially lead singer/rapper's second CD, but it really is BJJ's first. Ill Bill had a good debut, refreshing although sometimes faltering. The Alchemist debut was a produced wonderfully with great guests. Masta Killa's CD was Wu-Tang's best album in, what, 5 years? But Madvillian takes it home as the duo of MF Doom and Madlib because of just incredible instrumentals.

White Kid of the Year
For the white kid who did good.
Nominees:
Necro
Ill Bill
Alchemist

Winner:
Alchemist. His debut CD "1st Infantry" and his production on Mobb Deep's "Amerikaz Nightmare" sealed the deal after Eminem completely fell off.

Single of the Year
The best song with radio play.
Nominees:
Alchemist f/ Prodigy, Illa Ghee & Nina Sky - "Hold You Down"
Jadakiss f/ Anthony Hamilton - "Why?"
Kanye West f/ Rhymefest - "Jesus Walks"
Royce Da 5'9'' - "Throwback"
Jadakiss f/ Nas, Common, Styles & Anthony Hamilton - "Why?"

Winner:
Jadakiss f/ Nas, Common, Styles & Anthony Hamilton - "Why?". There is actually little competition for a song which features the likes of Nas and Common.

Lifetime Achievement Award
De La Soul. The most underrated group, putting out good music for 15 years. Even though being "nice guys" could hurt their sales, they have not gone and transformed into NWA, instead keeping a good image and collaborating with super-underground kids like JayDee or MF Doom, yet still at the same time with popular acts such as Sean Paul or Carl Thomas.

THE BIG ONES
Okay, this are the ones that matter.

Group of the Year
The best group.
Nominees:
De La Soul
Black Joe Johnson
Madvillian

Winner:
De La Soul. Between 2 relatively new groups and the veteran group, De La Soul still had a better album, if only because of better writing.

Song of the Year
The best song.
Nominees:
Mos Def - "The Rape Over"
Nas - "Star Wars 2004"
Talib Kweli f/ Common & Anthony Hamilton - "Ghetto Show"
De La Soul f/ MF Doom - "Rock Co.Kane Flow"
Nas f/ Olu Dara - "Bridging The Gap"
Royce Da 5'9'' - "Hip-Hop"
Masta Killa f/ Streetlife & Prodigal Sunn - "Whatever"
Nas - "On The Real 2004"

Winner:
Nas - "Star Wars 2004". Nas's re-issue of "Illmaitc" included this bonus re-make of a cut song off of the legendary album. Nas re-spitting is amazing, complemented by the Large Professor's fittingly futuristic background.

Album of the Year
The best album.
Nominees:
De La Soul - "The Grind Date"
Nas - "Street's Disciple"
Madvillian - "Madvilliany"
Masta Killa - "No Said Date"
Pete Rock - "Soul Survivor II"

Winner:
De La Soul - "The Grind Date". De La Soul takes it home with a slight edge over Nas. Consistency is the key, Nas released a double album, which led to a few songs which weren't up to par. De La Soul had only one such song surrounded by great ones.

MC of the Year
The best MC.
Nominees:
Pos (of De La Soul)
Nas
MF Doom
Mos Def.
Talib Kweli

Winner:
Nas. Nas put out 2 double albums, which I think is a first. Granted, one was a re-issue with an extras CD, but still. The extras included updated versions of unreleased songs ("Star Wars 2004" & "On The Real 2004") and one updated version of a classic song ("It Ain't Hard To Tell Remix"). The other double album, "Street's Disciple" had such classics as "Thief's Theme" or "Nazareth Savage". This is why Nas gets it. Pictured below is his prize package:



He gets my wallet, a $5 coupon from Northwestern Airlines, a penny, a nickel, an old watch, my bank account at Chevy Chas bank, the satisfaction that I bought his album and that poster, a superball I stole from an Asian kid, another wallet, some NFL stickers, and a mini Baltimore Ravens helmet. Not pictured: trophie, $25,000 cash, a butcher knife and an automatic weapon.