Friday, April 22, 2005

I emailed the pope OR Everybody looks like Emperor Palpatine

More on that later. First, let me tell you this is Day 106, Hour 18 of LTDMK. That's 9,223,200 seconds. This means I get approximately 11.3 hits per hour. This is since the second my first post was published to now. Btw, I wouldnt look into my first or second month. It's all crap. I mean, please, my shit reads like it was written by monkeys, albeit, very intelligent monkeys. But still, monkeys nonetheless.

Now, back to the pope. He has an email address, one in Italian and one in English. Even though almost half of the Catholics in the world are Hispanics, but, who gives a shit about them? It's not like we own computers or anything. So I wrote to the Pope:


Subject: My children
To: benedictxvi@vatican.va

Hello, Mr. Pope. Can I call you that? Anyways. My children have been listening to the rap music. I've been particularly troubled by many of the fellows who sing the rap music, most notably Snoop Doggy Dogg and DJ Quik. Here are some lyrics:

"I sip a little tea then light up my weed
I slip on my rubber out the cover then I proceed
to give yo' little thick ass what you need
gangsta gangsta I'll make ya cootie cat scream
Didn't I turn ya on, like a phone?
you lovin' that Doggy Dogg meaty bone
When ya moan ya whole voice tone
make me wanna put my bizalls in ya jizaws
'cause y'all know what I'm gettin' at I'm spittin' at
"

and:

"You see I'm 5'11", my dick is size seven
and if a hooker's fine I can stretch to a nine
It goes deep (how deep?) All up in that shit
I'll fuck a pussy dry cuz I don't know how to quit
I'm 19 (say what?), so I'm a young ass man
My eyes are brown and my skin is tan
So pull them cotton-ass panties right down to ya knees
if you wanna take part in a proper-ass skeez
"

Does Baby Jesus approve of these lyrics? If not, how can I stop my little Jasper and my little Maude from listening to such lyrics?

Sincerely,
David Blake
And no, my name is not David Blake, I dont have children, and if I did, I wouldnt name them "Jasper" or "Maude."

I'm sure everybody by now knows that Cardinal Ratzinger AKA Pope Benedict looks like Emperor Palpatine. Actually more like Senator Palpatine. I cant find a picture in which he's wearing that robe and they look the same. More "Emperor looks like..."



9 Comments:

Blogger Joey said...

Thank you. I've been calling him Pope Palpatine for a minute.

1:44 PM  
Anonymous Noodles said...

Yeah, I swear I recognized the new pope from somewhere.

2:07 PM  
Blogger Geekbird said...

HAHAHAH, this shit was great

2:30 PM  
Blogger chiseven said...

I think the new Pope looks more like Bela Legosi, but the Palpatine is pretty damn close. Check the site:
http://mystuntedgrowth.blogspot.com

5:02 PM  
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