Thursday, June 01, 2006

The Kunta Cocaine Code

I can’t talk too long. I think somebody’s tryin’ to assassinate a negro.

I been hearing the sounds of big white feet following me the last couple of days. At first I thought it was this white chick I had been messing around with the past couple of months. I recently let her down easy, and by easy, I mean I stopped returning her phone calls. If i saw her number, I didn't pick up. I didn't call her to tell her it was over. I just stopped communicating with her altogether. And you know white chicks, they get a little black mixed with 2 percent Puerto Rican, and its like crack for the vagina. They can't handle it, so they overdose, overdose on my sweet negro lovin'

So, I thought it was her that was stalking me. I heard she had just gotten out of the mental institution. I thought I'd be the first person she'd go looking for. You can't get off the crack that easily. It takes hard work and dedication. It takes willpower and time. And even with those things, you can still fall off again. And i know she was on it hard, too. It took her some time to get off of me, but eventually she did, and I'm proud of her, at least until my ego needs her to yearn for me some more. Then I'll call her up again and make her wish she had some more of this Kunta Cocaine lovin'. Damn, that's my new rap name. It ain't Gristlez. It's Kunta Cocaine.

But back to my story. I knew it wasn't her because one day while chilling in the park, or what some of you may call taking a nap on a bench, I caught a glimpse of the big white devil that was peeping me out. And when I state "big," I mean "big." This was one of the biggest, one of the whitest, one of honkiest white devils that I have ever seen. He was so big and white that I think people just named him Big Whitey, or Russian, maybe Glacier, or Mt St. Helen. And you know when they're big and white like that, you definitely can't trust'em. Big white ones leave large holes in brothers' rectums

So, I knew I had to keep my eyes closed and make him think that the negro was sleep or dead. I stayed like that until I knew Grey's Anatomy was on because I heard that white people really like that show, that and Friends. White people love Friends. They like Friends more than they like Seinfeld. They liked Friends so much that they still talk about that show even today.

Now, I liked Seinfeld because it was funny, but I only tolerated Friends like most black people. If it was on, I'd watch it, and it would be funny, but I wouldn't be looking for it the next week. And back then when it first came on, it was going up against Martin Lawrence. Now, Martin Lawrence, that was some funny stuff. That's what the negros watched, that and that crappy Living Single show. That was black folk Must See TV.

Now, where was I. Friends, whitey, stalk, assassination. I'm on the run and the white devil's trying to take me down. I figure one of these days, I'll wake up and find myself assassinated, with a big hole in my body. I'll be bleeding and crying out to Baby Jesus, and Baby Jesus will turn towards me and speak, asking, "What Happened Last Night On Grey's Anatomy?" And then I'll die right after I urinate on myself.


Anonymous Jules said...

Martin was that shit. And stop fucking with white girls... they crazy.

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