Monday, May 22, 2006

New Hire

I’ve been putting off writing these words on this page. I think it’s the fear of failing at something substantial, something I really care about. Or maybe it’s my laziness.

I hate admitting it to myself, but I think I’m lazy. I don’t like working. I don’t mind working as long as I get paid. But I don’t like working, even when I get paid. They could pay me a million dollars to do the job I do, and I wouldn’t like it. I would do it, but I wouldn’t like it.

That’s the whole deal about the work ethic. The work ethic is about working, and working hard, even if you don’t like it. It’s about going to work everyday, and being on time, and doing a good job, even when you can’t stand the job you’re doing.

And most people won’t tell you this, but you will hate working almost all of the time. Even if you like doing what you’re doing, like being a porn star, or getting paid to play video games and smoke weed, you’re going to eventually hate doing it even if you’re getting paid to do it. Why?

Well, the whole deal about work is that you’re not just getting paid to do a job. Instead, you’re getting paid to do a job for five to six days a week, for up to eight hours a day. That means you’re really getting paid for your time.

I once had a job like a gopher, you know, one of those dudes that go get stuff for other people. The thing is, most people never asked me to get stuff for them. So, I spent most of my day sitting around waiting for someone to tell me to go get stuff for them. And I spent the rest of my day going to get stuff, like driving to some UPS store, or walking over to the cafeteria to get a sandwich. So, in the end, what the company was really paying me for was my time, my time spent walking, driving and sitting around.

You may say that that's the perfect job, but doing nothing all day gets old pretty quickly. You just can't do nothing for eight hours a day, five days a week, and like it. In fact, you can't do something for that amount of time and like it. Like they say, there really is too much of a good thing. Doing the same damn thing for eight hours a day everyday just isn't a good thing.

And that's why work is work. It doesn't matter what you do, or how hard it is to do, or how hard you really try to do it. Because no matter what you do, it's the doing it everyday, the repetitive nature of it, that makes it work. The fact that you're stuck at this one place, doing this one thing, everyday, for half the day, is the pure constitution of what work really is. And it's why you will never be happy working at anything. That's why someone has to pay you to do it. There’s always a job no one wants or can do, and most companies don’t mind, up to a point, paying someone to do that job, no matter how menial it is.

I used to work for this electronic trade publication company. My boss got promoted to assistant director. Her first orders of the day were to pass off half the duties that were a part of her job onto her underlings, which I was one of. So, all her copying, faxing, and phone answering went to me. I also ended up doing most of her data entry, packet filling, and mailings.

I quickly understood that most of my job duties were many of the things she didn’t want to do. Of course, I didn’t get a raise with these new duties. Instead, they gave me this bullshit title that I could use on all my future resumes. And that came in handy when the company eventually mentioned layofs.

By the way, layoffs are when a company realizes that they’re paying you to do some dumb ass bullshit, and they decide they could possibly consolidate your bullshit duties with someone else’s bullshit duties. The only problem with that is the longer you work with a company, the more bullshit duties you get. Simply put, the bullshit compounds over time.

So, by the time they lay you off, you’re doing so much bullshit that a company finds that they can’t just give your bullshit to just one person because that would be just too much bullshit for one person to handle. So, they eventually have to lay your bullshit off on more than one person, and they learn even that's too much bullshit to handle. So, after a while they eventually hire someone to do what you did when you were first hired. And the cycle begins anew.


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