Monday, May 15, 2006

My Splash

Back Up Beyotch, unless you want nut in yo eye.
I neva, eva, eva, eva seen a beyotch CRY!

In between sweating, sleeping and covering my nose from the stench of hot girl liquor and booty smells, I happened to check out one of the few funny sketches on SNL this year. It was this one about MySpace.

There was this class being taught by the dude from that Lazy Sunday video, the gay curly-haired one. And he was teaching one of those adult continuing education classes about how to set up a site on MySpace.

His students consisted of one mother, played by Julia Louis Dreyfus, trying to better understand this new thing her daughter was into, and several old ass dudes who were there to "pick" up some fresh meat, Dateline-style. It was one of those topical jokes, since MySpace has been in the news lately concerning all weird things teen-ager-y. Yeah, I know that's not a real word, but I couldn't think of anything better.

Most of the jokes in the sketch consisted of the old dudes asking about how they could fake their names and images so that they could appear much younger. The sketch ended when a cop came in to ask directions, and all the perverts broke out except Horatio Sanz, who hid behind a plant. The gay curly-haired dude tells Julia Louis Dreyfus that maybe her daughter should stay off the Internet. And she agrees.

Amusing. I found it amusing, and because it's sooo true. That's when you know it's funny, because it's true. That's how real life is. True. That's how real life is... Yeah, I just repeated myself. Just like a box of chocolates. Huh?

I've been on MySpace a couple of times, and I usually don't stay on "it" long. Why? Because the design is awful. Most pages are like crappy bulletin boards, or better yet, guest books. Half the pictures aren't safe for work. Usually I can't tell the real content from some 3rd Party content that's on the site. Let me rephrase that: there is no real content on MySpace. There's always some weird cheesy music playing in the background. Most of pages don't use transparency well. I hate headers that follow all the way down the page. I just don't see how the hell MySpace became so popular.

Well, I guess I can understand. It's simple, I mean the design. MySpace doesn't take much thought. Most people throw up (and by that, I mean vomit) a background image, then they put some audio clips on the site to automatically play when you reach it, and they "make friends" with other people, which usually means link whoring.

Link whoring is when you link to people you have nothing in common with just so they'll link back. It used to be all the rage in blogging. I still get people asking me to put a link up for their site. I doubt if most of them have ever read more than a page on my site. But that's how most people get an audience.

I believe that's what's going on over on MySpace. "Make friends' with someone popular, and hope the magic starts. And I don't mean juvenile anal rape. That's a whole 'nother magic there. I'm talking about becoming popular through your website, loser.

Hee-hee. I can't make real friends. So, I'll live through my web site. Then, I'll finally have love in my lifeLoser. Be a man. Real men except their destinies: me, eventually becoming rich and famous, with a big bootied freak on each arm; and you, staying a loser and only having yourself to love. Live with it.

Me. I say, Eff a Friend! I'd rather stay friends with my man, Harry Palms. Harry has never hurt me, except on those occasions when he rubs me the wrong way. Then I hurt really bad, but only in the most good way. Because of the jokes he tells. Sometimes they're funny. And other times, they're hilarious.


Blogger Horus said...

Saw that shit, it was hilarious. I felt kinda wierd though because when it came on the TV I had a living room full of high school girls. It's not what you think, I'm dating one of their older sisters, her younger sis and five of her 15yr to 17yr posse came over and drank a bunch of my liquor. I can't say I didn't think terrible shit though...

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