Friday, August 19, 2005

Back Like Cooked Crack

Hello beyotches. It's been long time, no see. I think it's been over a month. Well, rest assure, I haven't forgot about you. In fact, I've been thinking about this crap for some time.

See, I'm in some kind of Internet, web, withdrawal. About three weeks ago, I come home from work and decide to call a friend of mine. I pick up the phone and I find I have no dial tone. I get a knock on the door a couple of minutes later. It's one of my neighbors. She tells me that all the phones in the building are out. And she's been told by maintenance that the problem may be from sewer shit backing up in the basement. Apparently, crap took out my telephone.

The next day, Saturday, the main maintenance man with some plumbers come and pump out the basement. But a SBC technicians comes out in the middle of it and decides to leave. I guess he decided that SBC wasn't paying him enough to wallow in crap and drug needles.

The following Monday, I call SBC to get a technician out. And two days later, one comes out only to tell me that the basement ain't pumped out. Now I know the basement was pumped out because I saw the crap flowing out into the back yard. But sure enough, I walk to the basement only to find that it's filled up with more crap. So, I call the main management office and talk to some chick who tells me that someone will be out by Monday to fix the problem. So, there goes one week without telephone service. I guess it was a good thing, for Sprint that is, because I'm using up all those minutes on my fuckin' cell phone.

Week two. I'm upbeat. I go to work thinking that by tomorrow I'll have my phone back on. And I get a call on my cell from that management chick who tells me that the problem has been fixed. So, I call SBC again. And I'm told a technician will be out the next day. I coax my vacationing sister to stay at my house the next day just in case the technician needs to get into the apartment. And the next day, I leave for work. I come back, greeted with more bad news. The technician tells my sister that the basement hasn't been cleaned out. I check. And sure enough, again, there's crap in the basment. It's shitty sewer city down there.

So, now I go off. I call the management office and I start calling for jihad on mothafuckas. I'm tellin' these hoes that if they don't get that shit outta the basement, I'm gonna go postal on a bunch of muthafuckas. I don't give a fuck. And they tell me that someone will be out by Friday. Now I'm thinking Friday ain't quick enough. But for some reason, due to them using Jedi Mind Tricks on a brotha, I fall for that shit and accept it.

So, I take off Friday so I can watch a mothafucka. The plumber comes out, and I follow his ass like a retard. I watch him rod the main sewer line; I make him come to my apartment and rod my sewer line (n/h). And then I watch him pump out the basement. He leaves, and I think everything will be okay. The next day I call SBC again. This time they tell me a technician will be out on Monday. So, I take Monday off.

On Monday, no fewer than four technicians come out, apparently from my neighbors calling in as well. And two of them go down in the basement. They both come back up an hour later, and they give out more bad news. It seems that the sewage wasn't the cause of the line going out. Apparently, someone went downstairs and cut all the lines in the building and ripped out some of that fancy fiber optics. It will take them until Thursday to fix the problem. Why? Because when they called in to report the problem, they find out that all the buildings on my street are down, and that somehow, some crackheads went in all of the basements and ripped out the telephone and cable line, I guess so that they can sell that shit for crack. Fuckin' crackheads. So, the whole fuckin' block has to get rewired.

By Thursday night, the job is completed and I get back on-line. First the e-mail, then the porn. You know how that shit goes. Now I find myself with a boatload of shit to download. And a boatload of e-mails to go through, over 2000. And this is with the spam removed. But before I decided to get back into these Internets, I decided to check back with my people. So, I dropped this shit so you know I haven't forgotten about you. Don't that shit make you feel all special.


Blogger macq said...

its the diggy diggy doc........good to have ya back, ima holla atchu for that kanghey shit. no homo

5:59 PM  
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