Thursday, July 14, 2005

Doggonit, People Like Me!

Today was another shitty ass day for the Villain. I just went through another week of self-help hell. Only thing that has gotten me to this point is the fact that I get paid tomorrow, and I get to "afford" a little relaxation in the form of some crackhead hoe slobbin' on my noggin' (also known as yo' mama).

Image hosted by Photobucket.comTake today. Today was personal assessment day. The head counselor met with us individually to tell us how fucked up we all are. I found out that I'm a self-hating asshole who has issues with authority. And apparently, it's all because of me that I've been an asshole all this time. It's all my fuckin' fault. Beyotch!

It's been my personal choice all this time to have a fucked up, shitty, broke existence. And apparently, it's all up to me, and only me, to stop being an asshole. I can stop being an asshole today, or I can stop being an asshole tomorrow. But it's all up to me to stop being an asshole. But as I used to tell my last steady chick, asshole does what asshole is, which makes it unbelievably hard to stop being one.

By the way, doesn't it just piss you off when someone you hardly know starts giving you fuckin' advice on how to be a better person. Right after I got shitted on by the head counselor, some alcoholic beyotch I've only known for like five weeks starts telling me about how I need to be more energetic.

She suggested I start saying some bullshit Dr. Phil affirmation-type shit. You know, that shit Al Franken used to do in those old Saturday Night Live skits. What was his shit: I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and I like big dicks. Some flimsy shit like that.

This beyotch starts telling me that she says some shit like, "My day gets better with each new day," or some bullshit like that. I stop acting like an asshole for one second, and I find myself having some bullshit conversation with some beyotch trying to tell me, not too subtly, about how fucked up she thinks I am. That's what I get for being nice to the beyotch.

Image hosted by Photobucket.comAnd then the tag teaming begins, and not the good kind. Because now some fucked up self-help beyotch comes in and starts up on the same shit. And I finally see where the other two Oprah Winfrey beyotches got this dumb shit from. Self-help beyotch starts in on how all anger is about fear, and all fear is about you, not the other person.

So, take my crackhead uncle. I took this asshole to the doctor, on the request of my mother. His fuckin' eye was hurtin', or some shit like that. Probably got infected when he was suckin' some dick for some crack, and when ol' dude busted a nut, some of that STD infected shit got squirted in his crackhead eye. The fuckin' crackhead bastard.

Anyway, I take his ass to the doctor. Afterwards, I stop at Walgreens to get some more razors and shaving cream. I come back, and his crackhead ass has gone and ripped the fuckin' rearview mirror from off the windshield.

Now he had to rip this shit off because there was a chunk of glass ripped out of the windshield. And the chunk was still attached to the metal button that slides out of the arm of the rearview mirror. And his crackhead ass had the nerve to tell me that that shit just fell off.

So, I show him the fuckin' chunk taken outta my windshield. And his ass is lookin' like he got shit all over his face. Then, he has the nerve to tell me about his fuckin' eye still hurtin'. FUCK HIS GODDAMN EYE!

I kicked his beyotch ass outta my fuckin' car and made him walk the fuck home. AND THE FUCKIN' SELF-HELP BEYOTCH IS ACTIN' LIKE IT'S ALL ON ME! FUCK THAT HOE. FUCK'EM ALL! ASSHOLES! This beyotch starts talkin' some mumbo-jumbo about how anger is about me getting mad at myself for letting someone else bring something out of me that I don't like. How about anger is about some asshole saying or doing something that just pisses you the fuck off. How about that shit, beyotch. Why the fuck do people gotta make shit so complicated.

I'm telling you, I'm about done with this shit. I'm thinking of ending all this betterment-of-self shit because it's been nothing but a pain. And I know just what that self-help beyotch might say to that. Change is a pain, but without change, you will never be happy. Well, guess what beyotch, I'll never be fuckin' happy. With yo' stankin' ass

P.S. I guess it has been a personal choice all along.

10 Comments:

Blogger macq said...

Therapy is for suckers.

9:35 PM  
Blogger Doc Savage said...

Yeah, i know.

I went there to get better interviewing skills, and i find myself putting up with this shit. i stayed as long as i did because i fell for their bullshit.

But in the end, I'm still a sucka

10:13 PM  
Anonymous dr. phil morris said...

>I'm still a sucka

no homo

and, are you saying you can contract STD´s with your eye?

9:15 AM  
Blogger Doc Savage said...

"...STD´s with your eye?"

You must be smoking too much Guatemalan crack down there.

I'm saying that he must've been infected by some tainted jeezum when he got squirted in his eye socket.

5:59 PM  
Blogger Doc Savage said...

To further explain: He's on his knees, rubbing and sucking another dude off for 10 dollars. The dude gets all excited, busts a hard one, pulls back and sprays my uncle in his fuckin' face. And when the jeezum hits, he finds that some of it has gotten into his eyeball.

He thinks nothing of it, thinking back to all the other facials he's taken with no negative after effects. But unfortunately, this time, several hours later, he finds that his eye is hurting. And not only is it hurting, but it's also turning red.

I conclude, the only reason his eye is hurting is because of some tainted jeezum. That's the only valid conclusion that I think any reasonable man would come up with.

6:11 PM  
Blogger macq said...

Ok that last comment either needs to be stricken from the record or have a huge no homo tag placed on it.

1:32 AM  
Blogger musica said...

YOUR BLOG IS GOOD, IT IS REALLY NICE. HERE YOU CAN LEARM MORE ABOUT penis enlargement TO FIND penis enlargement

7:30 AM  
Blogger usersanonimos said...

YOUR BLOG IS GOOD, IT IS REALLY NICE. HERE YOU CAN LEARM MORE ABOUT penis enlargement pills TO FIND penis enlargement pills

11:22 PM  
Blogger usersanonimos said...

YOUR BLOG IS GOOD, IT IS REALLY NICE. HERE YOU CAN LEARM MORE ABOUT penis enlargement pills TO FIND penis enlargement pills

12:20 AM  
Blogger musica said...

YOUR BLOG IS GOOD, IT IS REALLY NICE. HERE YOU CAN LEARM MORE ABOUT penis enlargement pills TO FIND penis enlargement pills

9:52 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home