Monday, June 27, 2005

Six Feet Under

I remember this episode of Six Feet Under, the one where ol' boy's wife is finally found, washed up on the ocean shore, or some shit like that. The only reason I call him ol' boy is that I very seldom watch the show. I find that shit boring, pretty much like every CSI episode.

I actually tried watching the CSI episode that Quentin Tarantino directed, thinking I'd finally stay awake through that shit. And I didn't. I went to sleep within the first 10 minutes. This phenomenon tends to also happen with every episode of Six Feet Deep, I mean, Under. It even happened during the episode I'm about to talk about. I had the shit on tape, and I went to sleep on it at least three times, each time trying to rewatch it to catch all the bullshit I slept through. The only shit I would stay awake on is the ending.

See, the beyotch is found on the shore all fucked up and decomposed. And ol'boy wants to give her a proper burial. Seems she always wanted to be buried au natural, no casket, no clothes, no nothing, just thrown in a hole by some tree with dirt put on top. So, in the end, ol' boy steals her body from the wake or the memorial, whatever the fuck it was, and he takes her body to this place, digs a hole and throws her body in the shit. Then, afterwards, he starts screaming like a retard. And then the shit goes off. It went something like that. But that isn't really important.

The point I'm trying to make is that I wouldn't mind being buried, thrown in a hole like that. Or at least cremated. What I wouldn't want to happen is all that weird serial killer shit that happens on CSI, where they fuckin' carve the fuckin body up like roast beef and poke around at the dead shit like it ain't nothing. I'm thinking, you gotta be a sick fuck to be a coroner. Only sick murderous bastards treat bodies like that. You gotta be fucked up in the brain to carve up another former human being like shit don't mean a thing. Sorry. I just can't go out like that.

And that's why I've decided to stop being an organ donor. When I die, all I want is to be burned up and tossed in the river, or to be thrown in a ditch like that beyotch was. Ain't nobody carving me up when I'm dead. And I won't stand for my people fuckin' homo-in' me up with all that caked on make-up and shit. Don't you know they gotta do some serious damage on a man to get him ready for some bullshit like a funeral.

I hear that they cut off your arms and drain all the blood from your body. Then, they sow your shit back on, and use thread to make your skin seem tight again. Then they embalm your ass and stick you in the freezer. They take all the organs outta your body. And then they do a whole bunch of weird shit before they put on the make up and roll your ass out like a stiff for your family to cry over you. And then, people have the nerve to kiss all on a corpse. I'm telling you, it's all some sick shit.

That's why, I beg you all, if I should die, make sure you talk my people into either dumping my ass in a hole or frying me. I'll thank you in advance from Hell.

NEXT POST: Xplicit and the Guatemalan Dead Whores


Anonymous mealonesag said...

Your sick and I love it. In 6 feet under (which is really a great show and very homo -no homo for me though) he talked about how her body was eaten by shrimp! Ewwww! I love shrimp but couldn't eat it for a while after that......

10:52 AM  
Blogger Doc Savage said...

Seriously. I don't know how people can eat most shellfish and other water insects like that.

A lobster ain't nothing but a big red water roach with a garlic butter sauce.

11:45 PM  

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